Parenting for Now and The Future
Thursday, July 27th, 2023
During this period where the kids are on summer break and I took on the homeschooling task (Homeschooling Questions, I've struggled hard.
I had so many idealistic hopes and dreams for this time. I worked on a huge piece of butcher paper spread on the kitchen table the things we would cover and it wouldn't be typical school-stuff.
One exercise was going to be the Paperclip Exercise where the two of them would start with a paper clip and have to trade up.
Each time I gear up and tell them, however, it's met with so much disappointment and resistance that we still haven't started. "Do I have to use a paperclip?" "Can I trade with Mom?" "Do I have to talk to anyone?"
And the tried and true, "Why do I have to do this dumb thing?"
Which made me ask, "What is the 'now' I am parenting for and what is the 'future' I think I can change for them?"
It's become clear that inner-work, knowing themselves, their strengths, being able to emotionally regulate, discover inner motivation, find peace without dependence on others, become honest with their short comings, being able to hold crucial conversations -- all of these things are essential "success" in the real world.
Many of these resolve around relational happiness.
Some of the key things they need to learn are also to avoid and overcome mental challenges.
I tweeted the following:
Helping them to not fall into this traps are also part of my "agenda."
However....will that be enough for the future?
The skills and interests we need are going to be so much more complex and demanding. While having strong mental health and human relationships will certainly help with the resilience, what are they going to do in a world where AI, extreme global competition, and perhaps the political stability of where they live will place pressures on their ability to financially secure their future?
Yes, part of this is solving problems that don't exist yet.
None of these have come true, despite the many tea leaves.
On the one hand, facing this forces at least a soteriological consideration.
Traditionally, doing so makes the other issues mute. And there's something to be said for Zimbardo's Time Preference Theory, which offered that future-positive, especially long-term "eternal" positive, seemed to have the most positive results on mental health and temporal outcomes.
Is that the meta-parenting level to operate at?
For example, in the future-positive, this combined with a growth mindset, could potentially give the adaptability necessary to face whatever technical and economic pressures.
But is it enough?
Are there certain skills that must have the 10,000 hours to not even be an outlier, but to be moderately functional in a very competitive environment?
To me, there hasn't been any research demonstrating it is possible to NOT have those outlier capabilities to survive.
For example, when reading about Indian entrepreneurs, the literature often points out how those entrepreneurs not only often graduate from the intensely competitive and difficult universities, but even after that need to have a level of competitiveness and determination to then immigrant and thrive in the United States.
China has displayed a similar ruthlessness, often reflected in the social and economic dynamics of "Tier 1" cities, to which only the most educated and economically viable flock, while the rest stay either in rural China or are stuck in Tier 3-4 cities, which as fewer opportunities.
This very much reminds me of the dystopian caste system of Huxley's Brave New World, and I suppos that is the fear I have.
One potentially good thing is that the technical and credential requirements seem to be loosening its grip.
Super-technical careers and skills are getting abstracted, for example, in many industries.
Relational skills around audience building, on the other hand, are initially on the rise (but will they stay that way?)
The only remaining principle standing is the "long view" and finding those human principles.
And the most fundamental seems to be "Know Thyself."
Because the related corollary to that is "Know Thy Enemy" and, sadly, our greatest enemy will be ourselves (or perhaps our "Shadow Self").